Computer Madness
by Kirk4ever
Summary: “…Okay Harry? You know what you're doing now don’t you?”“Umm… yeah … don’t worry Hermione, I’ll be fine. How hard could it be? Even Dudley can do it! It’s only a computer!” Rating moved up due to the second chapter only first chapter is rated K.
1. Chapter 1

Just a little thingy I thought up! I don't not own none of this!

* * *

"…Okay Harry? You know what you're doing now don't you?"

"Umm… yeah … don't worry Hermione, I'll be fine. How hard could it be? Even Dudley can do it! It's only a computer!"

The next day, whilst the Dursleys were out, one Harry James Potter snuck into his cousin's war zone … I mean bedroom. He crept over to the computer, not even sure why he was being so quiet, and switched on Microsoft Word. Ten minutes later he was done, and just waiting for the results. He longed for them to come quickly, and wished that it were over before he left at the end of July.

…Later that week …

"Mum, I've finished my homework from Mr. Matterson. Can I go and hand it to him now please? Oh and because I was such a good boy, can I go to Alan's house until dinner please, mummy?" they weren't really questions, as Dudley knew that he would get exactly what he wanted.

From his doorway, Harry sniggered. He really hoped his cousin hadn't proof read the essay his tutor had set him!

… Next week …

"Mrs Dursley, I have never seen such a disrespectful essay. I hope you read this for yourself, but I the meantime, I have set Dudley five extra essays to do, and these better be much better than this one here.

"After those essays are completed, I refuse to teach your son at all. I resign from this position, and good luck finding another tutor on such short notice!"

Petunia and Vernon Dursley read the essay, and the grounded their son for the first time EVER.

But then, it was a very disrespectful essay.


	2. Chapter 2

WARNING! There is some swearing below, not much, but I don't think it warents a higher rating. If someone thinks this fic should be a T, please tell me instead of reporting it – it will be done ithin ten minutes of receiving the message. Thnx!

This is so rare! A book that is not complete rubbish

Bud (what a pathetic name!) is growing up in hard times (god help us all). God ol u s of a during the that crap fin that hapend their, in the 1930's, is a county struglin with povety and being hungry (me too actualy). Most people don't have a job, because they are too bloody lazy and the few jobs that are available don't go to niggers. (A/N that isn't me being a racist, just Dudley)

Bud is pathetic and lives in the orphanage since his mother died, and she was probably a freak like harrys stupid mum. It isn't a treat or relief when he is sent to live with a foster family, but anyway, it doesn't last long coz he is soooo pathetic – just like my sorry excuse for a cousin:

... I had to get out of this neighbourhood as quick as I could.  
I knew a nervous-looking, stung-up kid with blood dripping from a fish-head bite and carrying a old raggedy suitcase didn't look like he belonged around here.

Too fuckin right. The trouble is, Bud doesn't really belong anywhere (he is a bloody freak). Bud doesn't know anything about his father (bastard child), except for the clue which his (whore) mother left him. He has a flyer for a jazz band: Herman E Calloway and the Dusky Devastators of the Depression! (wow what a good clue that is – too bad he is too poor to go)

It's funny how ideas are, in a lot of ways they're just like seeds. Both of them start real, real small and then ... woop, zoop, sloop ... before you could say Jack Robinson they've gone and grown a lot bigger than you ever thought they could.

Right… coz that makes a lot of sence. Bud decides to look for Herman E Calloway (who is probably the prat who fathered him).

But God ol u s of a in the Diprshon is full of bastards, idiots, freaks and prats all trying to get somewhere in search of work and a full belly (aren't we all?). It's dangerous for a stupid little nigger boy to be out on the road alone. And if he does mistake the odd goody along the way for a tramp - well, that's because he's still only ten years old.

Want to know if Bud finds Herman E Calloway and the Dusky Devastators of the Diprshon? You'll have to read the book. (but I doubt if you would enjoy the book – it is one of the worst pieces of writing I have seen in a while)

That was Dudley's essay from the last chapter. As you can see, it is very offensive and it is no wonder his tutor left him! The bits in bracket are mainly Harry's added comments, and most of the swear words were inserted by Harry too!

I didn't actually write this, I copied it from a book reviewing site, and then changed a lot of the language and spelling. Also, I have read half of this book, and found it too be a complete bore – completely crap in dudley's words!


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